Friends.

07/21/2012

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A while back I was somewhere with a couple of close friends talking about random stuff. It was not long after the last time i bungy jumped. I have done it a few times and i can't really say why but it is something that i just keep going back to, its a rush but its also like letting go. Anyway, one of my friends said that she has no idea why anyone would want to bungy jump, it is like they are practicing for suicide, like jumping off a building. To this someone else said, what if you want to commit suicide and you jump off a building, then halfway down you think....

.....Hey this is kind of cool.....wait i want to do this multiple times.....oh no i don't want to.....splat.

Its good to know that i am not the only one whos mind wanders to random places like this.
 
 
Ohh k, so lets take another stab at this but this time I will be saving it at frequent intervals.

So there is this girl that i have known for quite a long time so we are pretty comfortable when talking to eachother.

We were talking one day and she started telling me this story, about half way through she stops mid sentence and said "......you think i'm weird, don't you?"

I immediately start laughing and tell her that she is no crazier than the rest of us and that she should hear a story that would kind of explain how my mind works when i allow it to......wonder...

Relax i am kidding, so i start the story:

I was at my brother's house one day and went to the bathroom, now on the toilet it says the word "TOTO". This reminds of that song by the band toto called africa but i don't know how it goes so my mind inserts the song 'rivers of babylon' which gets stuck in my head.

So i jump in the shower and realize i left the toothpaste by the sink so i get out to grab it. This is when i jam my hand in the shower door.

So naturally the thinking of toto and africa leads me to thinking about monkeys and as i just had my hand jammed in a door i started thinking about how i would react in the given situation if i was a monkey.
Thinking this way put me in a scene, so i am a monkey at a zoo and as i was getting out of the shower i jammed my hand in the door. This made me angry, frustrated. This is mostly directed at myself until i see the humans on the other side of the cage, pointing. laughing. This makes me angry so being a monkey i throw my feces at them.

This act lands me in monkey court for breaching the conduct clause in the treaty between humans and monkeys. So now i must plead my case to a monkey judge that has made it clear that he has already made up his mind.

The judges openning speech is filled with hate and disgust for me as he describes my actions as an embarrassment not just for me but for all monkey kind.

Now I don't remember the full speech that i made but i can assure you that it was more moving and persuasive than any speech that i could make now on this subject, but it went something like this...

For all who are here today, for those who support me and for those who want to see me burn. I say this with complete sincerity, I do not regret my actions.

At this time the court erupts in whispers and gasps of disbelief.

I must admit that it was not my most dignified moment but as you judge me i implore you to really think about what you think i did wrong.

I broke the rules of a document that is unfair and unjust, a document that allows us to be locked in cages for the amusment of the people that you hold in such respect. We are not equals, they do not show us the respect that we should have.

You look down on my actions with a civilized mind and see it as barbaric, animalistic, but if we are to be treated as animals then why should we not act like animals.

So i ask you, were my actions wrong? or were they just a representation of what humans expect from us.




Now this is about the time that i finished doing everything and had other things to think about to thats where it ends.

Her reaction to this was a little laugh and a look on her face that was half WTF and half wow.
 
 
wrong button and it loses everything. well fuck maybe i will do it again tomorrow.

If I need reminding, "you think i am weird"
 
 
 
 
This seemingly simple but complex question has haunted me for a very long time. I am not saying that i think about it constantly but every now and then something will trigger it and cause me to re-evaluate everything. I am sure that i am not the only one that has ever asked this question (it would be naive of me to even think it) but i believe that the question is really unanswerable, I mean who decides what is good or bad, there are no guidelines, no real rules.

The first paragraph is a little over dramatic and doesn't really say a lot but its important to give you an insight into my mindset and where i will be going with this.

Actually what i said before about that being the question that has haunted me was kind of a lie, i mean how can i even try to answer a question that i think you can't answer. The real question is, Am i a good person that does bad things or am i a bad person that does good things? This makes more sense to me as everyone can be both good and bad but you are one more then the other.

'That's the question that has screwed with my mind and lead me to do things that i can't otherwise justify. There are endless factors and variables that you have to take into account.....and because i have no idea where i am going with this sentence because it sounds like its just another way to delay the start, i am just going to start typing.

As a child i was brought up with a base in christian beliefs but as my parents were not regular church goers, the beliefs were not exactly drilled into me. In a way i am thankful for this because it meant that i could make up my own mind about morality and i had a more open perception of the world. Admittedly though this means that sometimes my moral compass has been a little off.

There was a time in my life when i was an asshole, that might sound like i am over exaggerating but i am just being honest. I don't know why i did what i did and when i look back sometimes it makes me cringe but you can't change the past, all you can do is learn from it. There was this one time at school that i was called into the counselor's office and was talked to about a student who had left our school because he was bullied. My name was mentioned as being one of the people that caused this. In the years surrounding and following this incident i had been in fights where the other person had needed medical attention, destroyed property and generally had no regard for other people.  This went on for a while until i witnessed an event that made me think about my own mortality. It made me think about what i was doing and why. After that something changed, i didn't feel like one of the boys anymore so i walked away and started spending my time with friends that were more stable.

This is the first time i asked myself the question, the answer was no. So I started to work on changing myself, I wasn't exactly a goody good but i was a lot better then i was. Even tried to have a real relationship kind of mindset when it came to girls, admittedly one blew up in my face pretty bad and officially created 'The System". we will revisit that  later but for now let me explain 'The Rules'.

'The Rules' are a kind of code that i live by. I had been living by most of them for years, others needed clarification and others needed to be added. If you know me then you probably have heard or seen some of them. They are  no longer written down as they are burnt into my skull so that when the occasion arose i would know what was the right thing to do. Of course there are the basics, don't kill, don't shit where you eat (revised version of 'don't screw the crew'), don't swear where it could get you in trouble, don't steal, don't ever puke when drinking.....e.t.c Then there are the more personal and complex ones that i have learnt over the years such as, it is not the man who doesn't fight that has honor, it is the man that knows how to fight yet chooses not to.  These have kept me mostly in check for a long time now, they allow me to stop and think before acting. Admittedly i still slip, i am only human but they have stopped things such as the time when i went to a dinner instead of a wake because i had promised before hand that i would go to the dinner. I thought that the most important thing was to keep my word.

"Who you are at fight club is not who you are in the rest of the world", this rule is code for 'The System'. It is a way to organize my life in a way that if something happens or goes wrong in one part of my life, it doesn't have a detrimental effect on other parts. Basically that means i keep everything separate, certain groups of friends i don't mix with others, family don't mix with certain friends, girls.. don't mix with any of them. That last one is the thing that i mentioned before, that blew up in my face. Basically we broke up, it was a little messy but because she was already in tight with some of my friends and family, she was still around a lot. That shit is not fucking cool. So that's why that was added to the system. Like 'The Rules' i was kind of living by this before i thought about it. When someone asked me about something i wanted to keep separate, i would say something like 'I have something to do' or 'i have to take care of something'. At first they mocked me for it, saying i was just trying to be mysterious but eventually because i always answered like this they stopped asking and accepted it.

'The System' is also used to protect myself against word of mouth. If you get a reputation, even if its a lie, then people look and you differently. Even if they figure out its not true, their mind can't disassociate it from you. You might think this is not a big deal but trust me, i have seen the damage it can do and the lasting effects. Think how hard it is to change when they all see and treat you as who you used to be or the reputation you have from the rumors they have heard. For me, this is one main reasons people fall back into old patterns, because no matter how hard you try and show people your not that guy, it doesn't matter. Is it so surprising that some eventually just say, so be it then.

I don't have a dramatic speech to end on about how i am trying really hard to be the Shepard in a bible passage that i have said for years because i thought it was a Badass thing to say before i kill a guy. What i can say is that i may fuck up, i may do or say things that i will end up regretting but i am trying. I hope one day i can say that i am  a good person and mean it beyond a shadow of a doubt but that day is not today.




Please Note: For this post i don't want any comments or responses or anything. If you know me, i don't want to talk about anything in the post, DO NOT FISH FOR A DR PHIL MOMENT, you wont get one and i will not elaborate on anything.

It has just been on my mind for a very long time and i just needed to say something without having people know too much.
 
 
Hello boys and girls, well if you read the past post in this section then this one may not come as quite a surprise, I found something else that is now on my 'I WANT IT' list and that is this....
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This my friends is the Vapor 4 by Element Case. This is a case for the iPhone 4 (as you can tell by the picture). Now first off, i would like to say it looks plain damn cool. Also with its minimalist design it is sleek but that does not make for a sacrifice in protection. These are CNC machined from a solid block of aircraft grade aluminum, meaning it is not only strong but light (19 grams).

Now even though it is on my 'I WANT IT' list, sadly it has to stay there. One of the downsides to the Vapor 4 is that as soon as you install it on you iPhone your signal drops, we are talking by two bars or so. Now in most areas that isn't a problem but while traveling or going between low coverage areas, those two bars could make all the difference.

You know that feeling when you get excited and want to by something then you find out the cons........

Sucks doesn't it.
 
 
Ok so i am going to say it straight off the bat, if you are not the person in Singapore at the moment that may get these for me while they are there then you can probably stop reading now. Although if you are mildly interested in earphones then by all means read on (i will try and make it a little interesting), just understand that when i say some things they are directed at someone for that purpose.

Like most of you out there i have grown up listening to music and it has become a part of my day to day life. over the years as technology changed, i upgraded, from tape player, to cd, now on mp3, but there is one thing that i never really thought much about and that is the headphones that i was using.

For convenience i usually go for earphones, as they are light weight, small and easy to store on the go. After using brands like skull candy, bose, phillips, etc... i decided to do a little research into real audio dedicated brands, the ones that are not usually on the radar of the masses. This lead me to earphones costing up to 2000 USD. Now yes i want quality but for my use, 2000 is kind of hard to justify. Then i came across Klipsch. They are known in audiophile circles for their true, clear sound. So with what i wanted in mind i came across these:
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These my friends are the Klipsch Image S4i In-Ear Headphones. They may not be as sleek as the fore mentioned headphones but they are pretty damn cool and more importantly, they have good audio quality and are comfortable (this info from reviews). Now i will not say to much about these, eg won't give you specs or review them seems i don't have them yet but if you want to, all of that is one their site, just click on the name of headphones at the start of this paragraph.

Now down to business, hope your having a good time in Singapore. So the headphones that i want are the Klipsch Image S4i In-ear Headphones. I want them in white, that is if it looks like true white in person, if it looks grey, like below then don't get the white, get the black. I want the white like picture above. also they should cost between 80 and 150. i am not sure what they will be with the Singaporean dollar. Contact me before buying if they are over 110. If you are unsure about anything don't by it, contact me for any additional information. Thanks. And sorry if this seems cold but this page is public, I don't want personal information on here.

If you are thinking about buying better quality headphones then i suggest you do some research before you make your purchase. When i get them i may do a review for them or just add a note saying if they are good. Thanks.
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